One of the things I think I take for granted in my life is, I have good men in my life. From time to time as I write, I natural mention my husband. I love him. …like that silly head-spinning, butterfly inside still love him. I laugh at myself sometimes. If I were in a movie, surely something tragic would happen next, because most people don’t believe in these content happily-ever-after-s, there has to be a catch.
But this is life, and with life is confession. I confess that I don’t always consider how much I really love my husband and how blessed I am to have obtained him (and boy was it work to get him!). But when I do consider it, I am amazed at our story together.
Yet my husband is only one good man in my life. I have brothers who I adore, cousins who are caring & fun, friends who are a joy and considerate, and I probably shouldn’t list everybody here. The point is it continue to extend and ripple out from my inner most circle on outwards.
Not that every single person (or man) I know, love, and appreciate … I am certainly not that generous. However, I’d be foolish not to consider and enjoy the fact that in my life there are many good men.
I remember this one time, when I was 19 or 20ish, my mom said to me “Why do you hate men!?” I was astonished. I had no idea where this came from. I wonder what my mom meant by that. Yet in this astonishing moment, I looked up at my mom and said with perfect confidence, “Just because I don’t flirtatiously pursue them, doesn’t mean I don’t like them.” My mom was silent. I think this hit the mark of wherever it came from. I then proceed to tell my mom that while I knew a few jerks who were adding grief to my life, there were plenty of guys I truly appreciated, and to which I listed a few to put her at ease.
To this day I can’t figure where that conversation came from. Was because I was happily single? Was it because the jerks who were causing problems from me, I stood up to? Was it because I’d spent too much time with a man-hating relative, which concerned my mom that I too might become that? I’ll never know.
What I do know is that some women don’t have the security and support I have. Some women might not have good history and memories of close male relatives. Some women may not have many or any male friends who they could truly trust. I think all of ladies know what it is to be hurt and used. If there is a woman who doesn’t know this (at any age she may be), I pray she never will. It’s terrible that it should be all to frequent.
In general, as people, we hurt each other. But there’s something so fierce about it coming from the opposite sex. It cause some previously unknown age-old hatred to rise up with perfect indignation, and demand the severest actions. Maybe something says “I knew I couldn’t trust him” or maybe something says, “I knew he didn’t really care about me” or maybe it’s something innocent enough to say, “Why is this happening? Why me? Its not suppose to be this way.”
We all understand pain and being hurt. We understand wanting to shelter ourselves from this happening again. But maybe we all also understand a strange deep desire to connect and to believe that we have a right to be treated equally in love and the search for love.
Sometimes I think in attempts to make it an “equal playing field” our culture lows the standards so pathetically far, that it isn’t even connecting or relating any more. Tell me, what is a relationship when there is no actual relating happening in the midst of it? A -ship? A voyage? An adventure? To where and for what? Why not stick with friend-ship if there’s no further relating in the relationship?
What if lowering the standards isn’t a way to connect or relate? What if we could understand the hurting isn’t of just masking it over? What if there is a reason it hurts? …a reason deeper than one person hurting another person. What if there’s something to this “age-old hatred” that needs to be tamed and healed before we just simple move on to the next one? What if it really is not suppose to be this way? What could we have been missing all this time?
In the Bible, in Genesis chapter 3, there’s this story that changes history. Most people see the story as “sin enters the world”, but then, to be honest, most people can’t actually describe what is “sin” without being super legalistic and unrealistic (we can talk about this some other time, if you’re curious about it). Yet some how, the most relate-able emotion, story, feeling, scenario in this chapter is rather overlooked. So let’s talk about it a little bit…
There is this horrific moment that plays in my imagination more than just any other part of chapter 3, as I read this unexpected turn of events from perfect beautiful world & relationship, to some unknown treacherous depths.
Adam and Eve lived together and they worked together in a perfect world. Then sadly by deception and wrong choices, they sinned together and therefore allowed brokeness to enter into this perfect world they’d been enjoying. After the realized their wrong-doings they made coverings for themselves together and hide together. Although sin and shame had entered the world, they still had each other. They were still together even in these times. Yet something happened when it came time to face God together, suddenly for the first time ever Eve hears Adam say disdainfully, “That woman that you gave me, she…”
Suddenly unity is broken between man and woman. Suddenly Eve is out on her own, exposed and alone. It’s the first time in history when one human would publicly betray another human being. It’s the beginning of the horrific endless blame-game, and the beginning of endless wounds that would repeat generation after generation. “That woman that you gave me, she…” An echoing age-old disdain entered the world through those spoken words and that severing of unity.
It’s painful to simply consider it.
These kinds of woundings and utter isolating loneliness only could happen in a sin-broken world. This kind of pain was not how God intended for the world or relationships to be. It could even be argued that this heartache between Adam and Eve did not occur until God himself had felt the heartache of Adam & Eve hiding themselves from God. Could it be their human relationships were only able to be broken because their relationship and unity with God was first broken?
I have heard it suggested that we as humans feel heartache and betrayal so universally because God himself has also felt heartache and betrayal, and being created in the imagine & likeness of God makes us susceptible to that which God also experiences. Could it be?
I have long prayed for many of the man I know. Not that in some way men need it more or desire it more, but I once heard an old lady who had many younger woman consult her about when will they find “the right man” or a good husband or whatever the case. This lady put her arms around all these younger women and just started praying, praying for Godly husbands. Praying for men of character. Praying for the younger woman who felt exasperated over the whole subject and all their personal experiences. Instead of coming together and saying, “I know! All men are…” “The good ones are hard to find” or any other the other ridiculous statements I’ve heard in my short life time. The older lady, she just prayed.
It struck me as being so logical.
Before I meet my husband, I had prayed for him. Before I knew him, God knew him, and so I prayed. Today, I pray for many great men I know. Not that they should need to become husbands, or those who are be better ones, but I pray because in today’s world we certainly need man of character and caliber.
Again, I feel blessed to know so many great men around me. I am thankful. However I also consider those who don’t. My heart and prayers are with those women and young girls. I wish the world was kinder, but even if it is not on mass, I am glad to know a few good men who are.