Idealistically a wonderful little girl is polite, quiet, reserved but cordial, hard-working but overtly modest, of course. An ideal grown lady is hardworking, hospitable, gorgeous without obvious vanity, non-argumentative to the point of resilient submission to pseudo-chivalry (as known as able to bite one’s tongue), and irrevocably patience.
These things seem to me pure fantasy. A pleasurable thing to imagine, perhaps, but not lacking in fiction or tainted idealism, at best. Indeed there is much, much more to being feminine in our modern world, than off-centered ideas of how a woman could “idealistically” be.
I remember reading a famous Christian author who had the haunting title in one of his chapters, “if woman acted more like ladies, men would act more like gentlemen” I was young when I read this. I had every hope I could trust Christians of renown to be faithful to speak God’s wisdom and not merely printing another opinionated book (thank God we have blogs for that now!). Essential I had entrusted myself to the elders of church (as the phrase goes) as a proper young Christian lady/woman might.
Instantly something in my spirit fought this old blame-game which is as old as the curse in Genesis chapter 3. It’s the unidealistic way for relationships to perpetuate hurt, wounds, uncleanliness, and broken-rigidness towards one another. I never recovered from that horrifying statement. This same author felt that the man is the leader in the relationship. …Leader!? That’s not how the title chapter read it to me. If women bowed & serve then her man can do anything he sets his mind too! ….that’s not how I read it. If women empower men then men will be the “God-ordained leaders” they were meant to be. Seriously? Where does this guy get these things? I can’t get past the chapter title and he is using that same title to say why man are born-leaders in the relationship.
I never understood such minds.
I am more of a push my buttons and I come out guns-a-blazin no apologizes, no prisoners, double or nothing kind of girl. Not so idealistically feminine. My logic and verbal arsenal is always loaded and ready to go, but I try not to make it my go-to defense. I try not to make my 2nd or 3rd option either. Once in a while I do notice my “trigger finger” slips and gut reaction takes over. I am leathal. I am ready. …but I am learning.
Truth is, most people hang themselves verbally and quickly reveal their true-heart without even noticing that they just did so. I don’t have to be the shoot-em-up girl. Often I can do or say bare minimum to nothing and still walk away, shake my head, and even laugh at their full exposure. …but even this is a bit under par.
Self-control on my part is good, but without love, without covering their self-exposed shame… am I really doing any better than my previous shoot-em-up mentality?
My perception of femininity is a ridiculously strong inner strong revealing itself in honorable character traits. …which I would like to list for you… However, I do realize I’m not among the first or last to overemphasize one trait instead of the others. So maybe we’ll talk about that at a later time. Not that a list is truly as adequate is living it out.
Yet this reality does not escape me, the fact that it takes a Living God to continual re-emphasize putting on Love. Over all other things which are beneficial and good, Love must go over top of all of these things, and Love must lace them together. Otherwise our goodness still comes out threadbare. If the overcoat of Love is what brings out the true strength in feminine nature, then what must it do to masculinity?
Is it possible that one more well-meaning Christian author got it wrong all those years ago when he participated in the old-blame-game? Is it possible that it doesn’t matter who started the problem, because Christ Jesus has finished it (my mom use to say that a lot, “I don’t care who started I’m finishing it!”), and now -in actual present day- we can be restored in relation to one another under the unification of Christ Jesus, both male & female, friend, romantic relationship, or kinsman?
Why do we tell the children that when they get to heaven things will be better, perfect and then and only then will we truly enjoy one another and God? These are not the kind of things that Jesus lived or spoke.
The Messiah has always come to restore all things, that’s always been the promise. Did you think the relationship between men & women would be the exception? It’s not merely future, however in the future I imagine it will be mandate, but shouldn’t we practice our heavenly language and culture now so that we don’t look & feel so out of place then, when if we to participate in the perfection known as heaven?
Indeed, in this world we must still guard our hearts, but we should we really be encouraging relationships and marriages that are based in the blame-game and the curse of Genesis 3? Isn’t there a better stronger solution for being able to fully express our femininity and masculinity without stomping on one another’s weakness, rights, and pride? Strangely, I totally think there is a workable living solution to this. But are we willing to step up to such heights of humility?